i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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