We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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