Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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