I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
