There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
