i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
