I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
