I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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