I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize