toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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