just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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