i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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