OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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