Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
