My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
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