I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
