tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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