what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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