My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
