I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
