He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
