dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
