Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
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I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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