remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
