If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
