Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
