The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
