didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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