i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
