Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
