oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
wanna go halves on a baby?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
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I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Help. Why am I so naked?
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