cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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