Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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