I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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