I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
