HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
