it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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