I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
