I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
