he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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