The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
