i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
