I'm drive I can fine osifer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
