Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
