Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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