someone get that fucking seahorse.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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