I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
