Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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