Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
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Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
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Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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