haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
