sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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