also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
