We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
