I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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