very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
