i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
