but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
