This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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