I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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